3rd Ring: Facebook

I AM MALESTOMBERG! HEAD OF TORTURE IN THE LAST RING OF THIS OF SOCIAL MEDIA HELL!  Here I have been given the pleasure to torture, torment and inflict pain on every soul who abuse Facebook. All those who post their life story and how sad they are and all their issues and how much happier they are than you and how much prettier they are and how much fun they are having without you and what they want to do with their lives and what they think is funny and dumb and laughable and annoying post and post and post every 5 seconds!!!!And not to mention the administrators of those huge pages with all their posts about buying their product, or playing their games! Yes, all such sinners are sent here to the deepest and darkest ring of hell, where their faces are constantly smashed into a real life, paper and binding book.

 Oh, how much fun it was to see the administrators of Zygna Poker having their faces smashed into real classic books such as Pride and Prejudice and Les Miserables (isn't Darcy just the most complicated guy ever? And when I watched the new movie they made of Les Miserables I cried the entire time!) Anyway, they scream and shout about the misery of actually spending their time doing something worthwhile and reading something that is lengthier than a Facebook post. Interestingly enough, they complain about the reading aspect of the torture even more than the extreme physical pain of having their faces constantly crushed. Ha!

Here's a quick pic of one a few of my personal favorite sinners!

Second RIng: Twitter

Grrrrrrr...Arrggghhh gurahlk kdlil; kjdkslij nkjdgil Grrrrrr Argghhh asf nafffsa inthksl thknsi kthiknsl thigl dkjty slkgj athie alkjsi asdfht thiink;oi grrrrrrr arrrrr scrrrrrreech liiikeoi sllurrrp click click hurk sdfn farinthkl dhken;alsi surrretshes hatered thlidslj!
dnnnn Mewh weeeeclk dlkfasdlkf lkdjf thitnk sko Grrrrrr reeek stink ou tjdkl lkjs splurrp gooddle drip drip sdfkt freak ferald neeee screeeeam aout out  ouchhhhh bout awwhhhhhhhhh wbmmii  miiiiii lkiiil lidke aknfjhi;  djie mnchf d.  lkdie sln skiditr misser yei so ko meeek loa!
ACH SO!!!!!!
HANI MICKO YAH!

So sloberrin kah me don

First RIng: Pinterest

Hello there losers! hehehe I'm a Snotface and I'm the demon in charge of torture here in the first ring of these area of hell. It's our most recent addition, as Pinterest didn't even exist a few years ago. Now its the third most popular social media website, and I'm told that Pinterest achieved 10 million unique vistors faster than any website in the history of ever! Not that I care, I'm just excited to be the head of a torture department.
Just last week I came up with a new punishment for those Pinterest users who just pin and pin and pin and never do anything else with their sorry little lives. They never even make any of the food or crafts they pin!
Last night I got to try out my new punishment on Jennifer Chong! Ohhhh how she screamed and cried when every time she tried to click on the image of a pin the message "the link or URL does not exist". And the sweet joy it was to watch her face when all that showed up on her pinboard were repeat pins from the same person over and over again. Ah, but all that was nothing compared to watching her squirm in her seat when she had to go to the bathroom, but couldn't because her right hand was permanently glued to the mouse! I can't wait to use these punishments on other Pinterest offenders! I love my job!

By the way, check out this pic I snapped of dear Jennifer! #thejoysofbeingevil#itsthelittlethings

Th First Step of Your Journey

Hello Heavenly, Living, and Damned souls! I am your guide Walt Disney! This is my first post ever, so please bear with me! In the old days, we would take souls who needed learn more about the inferno on their own individualized journeys through Hell, but due to recent budget cuts (most of our heavenly cash goes to creating new rings of the inferno for the ever growing numbers of sinners), we just no longer have the staffing or funds for personal tours. Steve Jobs, a recently moved-in resident to Limbo, suggested creating a blog where the demons and devils in charge of carrying out punishments in each ring could post about whatever is going on in their area of punishment. Watch for my comments after each post to clarify, as some demons are not very clear!
Oh, and if you were going on this journey the old-fashioned way, you would probably start out in the middle of a forest somewhere surrounded by ill-meaning creatures, but since everything is fully integrated online these days, you'll just have to use your imagination.

Imagine you are alone in  dark scary forest. A fearsome porcupine approaches threateningly, as if to stick you with his quills and make you a living pin cushion.

Then a small sparrow flits in front of your face. At first it is cute, but soon it begins to twitter incessantly and scratch at your eyes.

Then, while you are in the depths of despair, a baboon swings down out of the trees making a huge amount of needless noise, it's face twisting into fearsome expressions of violence.

Just when you think you are done for, I arrive to save you and take you on the start of your journey.
Well, there you have it! We here at Eternal Pain and Punishment love comments! Let us know what you think!